It’s the time of year when people are thinking about jetting off to the sun. And if that warmer clime turns out to be Australia, it seems appropriate for people to be aware of the discussions between pilots and maintenance engineers at Qantas.
This material was found on the Internet which means that, by law, it must be true.
Pilot: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacing.
Engineer: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
E: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
E: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
E: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
E: DME volume reset to a more believable level.
P: Friction locks causes throttle levers to stick.
E: That’s what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
E: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: The number 3 engine is missing.
E: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
E: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
E: Took hammer away from the midget.